Generally in life there are forces and attitudes that greatly influence our lives. There are way of thinking, beliefs and mental rules that dominates us that have no foundation whatsoever or even worse are not even ours.

In my profession there is a lot of talk around FUD (fear, uncertainty and doubt) usually regarding adopting some new hot technology. What we don’t always realize is that FUD influences all aspects of our lives and that it has serious psychological ramifications.

Whenever we are not happy with something we cry for change. Do we always take the steps for that change to happen? No, hardly ever instead. What is stopping us? Many different type of fears.

Fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of loss.

Fear of loss?

What loss? Most people don’t realize that we are just as much attached to our problems as we are sick of them.
We are trained to fear change, mainly because we are comfortable with the current situation. We are familiar with it. We know the current set of problems and we have developed ways to cope with it.

Fear of change.

One basic rule influences us whenever there is a change. The common believe is that change equals problems. Therefore FUD kicks in.

This kind of thinking must be eradicated from our mind and our lives, both professional and personal.
This is the type of thinking that keeps abused spouses in their unhealthy relationships. They are more afraid of change then being beaten to death. They have a way to cope with their beating they don’t know what the change will bring so they don’t make any. It’s what they know and are familiar with.*

While it is often true that change does bring new problems, it is also true that it might be a better set of problems. A set of problem that might be easier to cope with or one set of problems that you actually want.
Wouldn’t we rather have as a problem “what city in south of France I would like to vacation this summer?” vs “What do I need more: a car or health insurance?”

Change is part of life and we should embrace it, for it hopefully will bring a better set of problems.

Fear of the unknown.

While this concept needs no explaining it also echoes our upbringing. I believe that all fears are learned.
I witnessed first hand this through my daughter. She was completely fearless for good part of her first 4 years.
No fear of getting hurt, even after doing so. No fear of heights, No fear of water or anything. No fear of death itself.
Recently she learned to fear some things. Hopefully she’ll never fear change.

Very little has ever being achieved without taking a leap of faith, without stretching ourselves outside our comfort zone. Whenever we do that, stretch out our comfort zone, it presents us with an opportunity for growth and learning.

The trick is realizing when you have been stagnating and have fallen back in a comfort zone. Whenever that happens it is time to stretch out. Maybe we should do a self evaluation every month or so, maybe even more frequently.

Be aware of why you’re not making the change you want to make.
Try asking yourself these questions:

Why am I not making this change? What is the belief that is stopping me?
Is this belief mine or somebody else’s?
Is this belief even/still valid?

By now you should know what to do. If not ask yourself the following:

What are the problems that might arise?
What are the problems that will go away?
What are the benefits?

The last 2 answers, if compelling enough, should make the decision making automatic and propel you into action. If you really want change, just focus on the last 2 and dive in.

Happy Change everybody.

* On a side note: The familiarity of the abuse is also why certain people attract the same toxic partners throughout their life. It’s what they know and they’re familiar with it. Subconsciously whenever you meet somebody that fits the prototype of your previous relationship you’re attracted to him because it feels familiar and “right”, even when it couldn’t be any more wrong than that.

It’s something that you cannot change until your mindful about it, or for some chance of luck you fall for somebody different or they do for you. Then the range of familiarity expands.

Btw, these rules apply to all types of life partners. It applies to your coworkers, business partners as well as romantic ones. But that again is another post.